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And One More Milestone Has Been Reached!

Hooray for High School Graduation!

It’s official, my son is a high school graduate. I knew it would happen, after all, he’s a smart boy with a good head on his shoulders. He would have had to really try hard NOT to graduate. Still, it’s a milestone, and one that we celebrated.

I’m so proud of that kid, I could burst.

I promise, life will return to something of a normal pace soon, and then I’ll tell you all the goings on in my life. For now, I’ll leave you with thoughts of leftover graduation cake (with copious amounts of blue icing flowers) and boxes of unsent graduation announcements, but that’s a tale for another day.


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An Open Letter to My Birth Mother on Mother’s Day

Dear Birth Mother,

I realize I may be too late with this message. I’m nearly 50 years old, and you, of course, are older. I realize your life may have already come to an end, but I hope not. I hope you are alive and well and surrounded by loved ones. I hope life has been good to you and for you. I hope you have made a contribution to the world and you are satisfied with your place in it. I especially hope you feel at peace with the decision you made to give me up.flat,800x800,075,t.u1

I don’t know much about the events surrounding my birth and adoption. They are closely guarded secrets, although I don’t know exactly why. Even if I am the result of the most scandalous events, they are beyond my control, so why do I need to be shielded from them? I’m just the end result, not the cause of any bad behavior or pain.

Birth mother, perhaps you could shed some light on my origins. Am I the result of an affair? A rape? Incest? Or am I the product of a bleary one-night-stand or an abusive relationship? Maybe you struggled with mental illness or lived in poverty. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who I am. I just wonder. I just want to know.

Maybe none of those scenarios apply. Maybe you were in love with my birth father but the situation was impossible, for whatever reason. Or maybe you just didn’t want to be a parent at that point in your life. I can accept that too. I can accept anything, because the truth is better than not knowing.

I wonder about you, birth mother. I wonder what you look like and what makes you laugh. I wonder if you have an unhealthy relationship with food like I do. I wonder if you have other children-my brothers or sisters. I wonder if you like to create or if you have an inquisitive mind. I wonder if you’re Irish or German in origin and what type of music you enjoy. I wonder what your voice sounds like, and what your smile looks like.

I wonder if you would like me.

I wonder if you think about me on Mother’s Day and my birthday. I think about you on those days, and on many other days.

Birth mother, do you know who I am? Did you ever see me as I was growing up? Did you know my parents before they became my parents? Did you live in the same town and shop at the same stores? Did you see my wedding announcement in the newspaper? Have you checked out my Facebook page or my Twitter feed or even read this blog?

Does anyone in your world know about me? Or have I been kept secret all these years?

Nearly 50 years of secrets. That’s a long time.

I just want to thank you for being my first mother, and for allowing me to have the life I’ve had. I’d love to hear from you. In the meantime, know I’m thinking of you and I wish you happiness and peace.

Happy Mother’s Day.

With love, your daughter.

 

 


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Five More Things That Make Me Happy

greenthroatedmango
Gratitude is important. It reminds us that the world doesn’t totally suck. There is beauty and joy to be found, and it’s easier to find if you actively seek it. Here a few things that make me happy. And if you want more, look here and here and here.

Looking Through Old Photos

I have a digital photo frame in my studio, and it scrolls through photos while I work. I glance up and instantly I’m back in Hawai’i with my son, or I’m hugging my mom in London. A photo of my son’s first sleep over at camp reminds me of how much he’s grown up, and one of my high school friends reminds me that there are people I have loved for decades who love me back.

Hummingbirds

In general I’m not a huge fan of birds, at least not up close, but hummingbirds are different. They are petite and delicate and beautiful. The way they hover, then dart to the next location in space charms me. I’m fortunate to live in a place where we have these lovely little creatures. Every time I see one I feel as though it’s a sign that it’s going to be a good day.

John Hughes Movies

Pretty in Pink, Breakfast Club, and of course Sixteen Candles. Yes, I love them all. I’m required to, since I grew up in the eighties. And no, I’m not ashamed of it. And the music! Psychedelic Furs, OMD, Simple Minds… love it.

Silly Hats

Today happens to be Derby Day, the running of the Kentucky Derby, and therefore it is also unofficially silly hat day. The funkier the better. I don’t actually wear hats very often, but I enjoy seeing them on others.

Children Singing

There’s nothing quite like a group of children who have rehearsed singing a song together. It can be preschoolers or a high school choir, I don’t care. The blended voices of kids gets me every time. Tissue, please.

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