Not bad for a fat girl

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Split Personality

aheadsI’m at an impasse. I’m not sure what to write about. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. I ALWAYS seem to have something to say. It’s just that I’m not sure in what direction I should go at the moment.

This blog began as a way for me to bitch and moan and then celebrate a little about how I was treating my body. I was going to get fit, dammit! And I was going to be accountable along the way by sharing my trials and tribulations with all of you out there in blog-land. Naturally, I would digress from time to time, but that was fine, especially since I planned to be completely anonymous.

Well, it didn’t take long for me to start writing about my family of origin, and my current family situation. After all, this is my life, so welcome to it. Again, I was anonymous, so whatever raw emotions I was feeling I spilled out onto the screen and didn’t think twice about hitting the publish button. I am what I am, take it or leave it. Something like that.

Then I started to sneak in some of my professional life. I’m a teacher. Teaching is an all consuming profession. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about SOME aspect of my profession. Lesson plans are swirling around in my brain, the endless to-do list nags at me at the most inopportune times, and I’m constantly thinking about how I can be more effective. It’s impossible to be me without also being an educator, so again, into the blog it went.

One of my education pieces got picked up by Scary Mommy, and that was a lot of fun. Thousands of readers took in my words, and honestly that was a rush. The piece was also translated into Greek and posted on no fewer than 8 Greek language websites. That event also marked the end of my anonymity.

Now in addition to an educator, I’m a writer. As time has gone on, I’ve come to realize that writing is something that I’m meant to do. I’ve been writing, reading about writing, learning about writing, and writing about writing. And yes, I put that into the blog too.

So now what I have is a big ‘ole mess. The blog has turned into a giant mish-mosh of stuff, from fun fitness for fat chicks to fabulous books for fourth graders to my childhood memories of gingerbread to my feelings about frito-pie and standardized testing. I’m afraid that as I’ve spread out my topics, I’ve lost some momentum. I feel like I’ve lost my edge by wandering around discussing this topic and that. I feel like I need to narrow my focus and find my niche, but I’m not sure I exactly WANT to do that. I like writing about a little of this and a little of that. And I don’t think I have the energy to run several blogs at once.

Even if I did, what would I call them?

BulgingButtons – or how two years later I’m still fat and struggle with making good lifestyle choices

All the Pretty Words – The Journey to Becoming the Writer I Believe is Hiding Inside Me

Give Kids a Chance – My Take on How our Education System Ought to Help Kids

Past, Present, Future – My life as it was, is, and hopefully will be

I know bloggers who have revamped their blogs, or started additional blogs to address new topics. What do you think? Shall I soldier on? Make some changes? Rein in some of my topics? Avoid others all together? I’d love some feedback, and if you’ve been with me for some time, thank you, your support means a lot.



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Throwback Thursday – Cars, Expanded Edition

Not my actual car, but close.

Not my actual car, but close.

Yes, I’ve talked cars before, but this post goes into a little more depth about some of the vehicles in my life. My grandmother drove a sensible blue four-door Ford sedan, complete with a big pillow to elevate her on its bench seat. My other grandmother drove a kick-ass Pontiac GT with sweet bucket seats and a hideous olive green coat of paint. They both traded their cars in for more sensible brown cars in the later year. Too bad.

My father loved Fords, until the T-Bird. He had Fords for years, up until he bought a 1973 Thunderbird for my mother, complete with a Landau roof. It was the palest green color imaginable, and it was a lemon. It seemed like that car was constantly in the shop, and not just because our dog chewed up one of the armrests when my mother ran an errand with him one day. That car was just trouble, I could tell the first time my mother closed the door on my leg. Besides, who gets a two-door when they have kids?

After my father’s love affair with Ford subsided, he became an Oldsmobile man. At one time he owned three Toronados, blue, maroon, and my favorite, dark gray. I loved that car. My dad even put vanity plates on it with my name on them.

Several Oldsmobiles later, my father moved up to Cadillac. I’m not sure if that was his idea or my mother’s, but not long after he splurged and bought a Mercedes. It was shocking. My father had ranted and railed against Mercedes for years, however, he presented one to my mother for her birthday.

Personally, I’m a Toyota girl. After three hand-me-down Oldsmobiles (including my beloved dark gray Toronado), I finally got a car that was new just for me, a Toyota Camry.

Again, not my actual car, but close enough.

Again, not my actual car, but close enough.

That was a great car. We put 206,000 miles on that car over the course of 13 years. That car visited the Atlantic and the Pacific, more than once. In its final days it could no longer provide air conditioning, a must in my desert Southwest home. I was sad to see that car go, however, its final gift was $6,000 on trade-in. That car paid for itself.

I’m on my second Camry now, and at 135,000ish miles it’s going strong. Sure, it’s from the middle of the last decade, but it’s paid for and I love it. This one hasn’t been to the Atlantic, but it’s seen the Pacific several times, and it knows the way to Vegas too. I have no plans to replace it anytime soon. True, I like some of the new features that cars have now, but this car is terrific, and until it’s time to put it out to pasture, I’ll be very content with it. It gets me and family where we need to go comfortably and safely, what more could I really need?



I Am So Not An Extrovert

introverts-unite-individually-american-apparel-unisex-fitted-tee-lemon-w760h760I like people. Really, I do. I enjoy meeting new people and talking to them, but it isn’t always the most comfortable thing for me. Still, I do it, because the world is full of really fascinating people with incredible stories. Besides, most people are actually really nice, as long as you catch them on a good day and are nice to them first.

Over the past four days I have met and held conversations with dozens of new people, first at the phenomenal writing conference I attended, then today at a Camp Fair to promote our summer writing camp. So many people. So many conversations. So much energy!

As an introvert, I need time on my own to recharge my batteries. The more time I spend in the company of others, the lower my energy reserves dip. Couple these four days with the nasty cold I’ve been fighting and the poor sleep that has resulted from said cold, and man, I’m beat.

Now I’m off to the theatre with my sweetheart, which I know I’ll enjoy, but again I’ll be surrounded by strangers. I don’t plan on speaking to any of them. Is that awful? Maybe, but I need to recharge before tomorrow, after all, tomorrow there’s school, and my students need me.



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